Author: Sy Ogulnick

Sy Ogulnick received a BA from UCLA, Teacher’s Credential from Los Angeles Board of Education and completed phase I (Master’s portion) in a Doctor of Behavioral Science program at California Coast University. Sy leased and operated a summer day camp in LA. He and his wife then purchased virgin wilderness land in Northern CA, where they built and operated a coed summer camp. They moved to Las Vegas, NV, and purchased, built and operated a community children’s program for families staying in a major resort casino in Las Vegas. They have created programs for children nationwide that employed many people and in the process developed successful training programs for personnel. This led Sy to lecture on how to train staff and the creating of community within the workplace. Sy was then invited to speak at professional conferences on how best to hire and train employees, which led to his becoming a consultant in the art of improving relationships in a work environment and eventually to his epiphany that “Leaders are the primary problem and the answer to the personnel issues that arise in the workplace.” Sy has written numerous papers on the subject of interpersonal relationships, leadership and power. He has lectured throughout the United States, has been interviewed by the media and has appeared on many radio and TV talk shows

Exceptional People

I want to write today about exceptional people. They are dramatically different from each other but so alike in their relationships with us. I rarely mention names and will not do so here, but they will know whom I speak.

We are old, and there are more things we can’t do than we can do. In fact, we are in need of so many things that feeling helpless is not unreasonable. Examples abound: Lenette uses a walker to go everywhere. I don’t and still walk on my own.

Thankfully, these special individuals step in to help us when and where needed. They go to the market for us. They take us to medical appointments. If necessary, they hear, see, and speak for us.

There is no tension between us. As for myself, I know I need help just meeting the demands of the moment.

They are there when I need them, and I am very appreciative. I accept that I’ve transitioned from being independent to becoming codependent.

Lenette struggles to keep her independence. Obviously, there is no “give in” with her, and she fights a continuing battle with her frailness. I Accept, more easily, my friends stepping in for me. My problems are less psychological than Lenette’s.

I have my writing and poetry as an outlet. That my mind is such that I continue to have this available to me is a gift that I accept and value. This is how I feel towards my friends and caregivers because this is what they give and do for me. In other words, I am able due to Lenette and my friends. I have been there for people. And now, they are there for me.

You give me my life—Today I am because of you—Thank you my dear friends

Nature Or Nurture?

A question came up during a discussion about the issue of adoption. My dear friend was adopted and sought his roots. I have no problem with seeking out one’s original parents and family. I told him that I believe blood is not an essential part of who a person is and becomes.

I firmly believe we are who we are primarily because of relationships, beginning with those who have adopted the child. They make the child what they will become, not their blood parents.

From my hands-on experience, I know that my influence as a psychologist, teacher, and camp director was (and is) considerable. As an old guy, I am blessed to be visited by people who were children at my camp in the 50s and 60s. Staff members and even the professionals and entrepreneurs I worked with for the past 35-plus years still visit.

I am told of my influence on them, and I am fully aware and grateful for their influence on me. I became a better mentor and grew as a person because of the trust and closeness we had between so many of us. And what of the benefits to their staff and family? That was the reason I was invited to be part of their lives.

Without question, I know the experience and power certain relationships have on their participants. It makes or breaks them. Nowhere in this is blood involved.

The love and time we give to those we live and work with is all about our power to empower. As a leader, the good and the bad come out. Nothing is hidden, and all is influenced.

Inside Relationships

The subject of relationships is important to me. It must be due to my history, beginning with all eight of our family members, including myself, living in crowded apartments. It is the foundation of who and what I became—a teacher, a facilitator, a peacemaker, and a leader of leaders.I did not make any of me. I was made by my relationships with my parents, sister, and three older brothers.

So, what are the complex ingredients that make relationships so important?

Dialogue may be first in importance: brief disagreements never hurt those in relationships that work well and who are present with each other if each is hearing and doing their best to understand what is being said. Hearing leads to confirming, which is not agreement but understanding. Honesty is what those in quality relationships experience. At these times, all are together in maximum equality. There is no leader, no follower, but people in a relationship.

When a leader takes charge, the relationship changes; dialogue does not exist; instead, there is only monologue. Then, it becomes the leader’s responsibility to “empower” the other, which means recreating dialogue. No environment is as productive to relationships as the “Level Playing field.” Empowering this is the job of parents, couples, teachers, and leaders of every kind. They are responsible for the environment and relationships that empower, equalize, and nurture the best possible relationship between people.

The Way It Ought To Be

I had a thought only a few minutes ago, yet now I’m trying to recall what I was thinking about. I believe I was thinking about the time that we healed ourselves. I had all kinds of accidents but few colds and no illness. I bounced back from accidents so quickly that I never had to quit any activity. That is until Lenette insisted that I quit and give my toys away. I was in my eighties.

Apparently, healing is for the young, or at least the young at heart. There is no healing any further. We are slowly but surely deteriorating. I see it, feel it, and know it. The sands are running out, which is how it should be.

So, as I sat in the sunshine, I thought about this and accepted it readily. It is the way it ought to be. We are each a book with a beginning and an end, hopefully with many exciting ups and downs on its many pages. Lenette and I lived this way and handled every up and every down as honestly and courageously as possible.

I often use the word “serendipitous” because I believe this is how we live. Throughout our lives, unexpected happenings with strange people often played huge and dramatic roles.

I have told the stories probably a few times. We wonder at the many incidents that played enormous parts in our lives. And, as I have written, these were not only long-term events. Often, new chapters were written in mere minutes.

I am sure we are not unique in how “things” took place and played out. What we are is independent. We choose our way forward with its many responsibilities. It is what we wanted and fulfilled.

Thoughts

I’m feeling fine and relatively strong despite having trouble seeing and hearing. Who asked for this? Not me! I once thought it was simple: we get old, then we die—but it ain’t. And because sight and hearing are essential to me, I write about them, and my feelings come out.

I realize that I bring up certain issues and subjects too often in my writing. It is my problem, to be sure, although it becomes one for my readers, for which I apologize. That’s not what I want. I wish to write on subjects my readers might benefit from, so I again ask for your suggestions.

I have always been a teacher and I know my subjects. If not, I do not teach or speak to them. I may voice my opinion, but that’s not knowing a subject. To know a subject, one must research. Research was a joy for me, and Lenette typed my notes until she insisted that I learn how to type. This helped me to become a better student. I also learned that if I connected to what I was reading, I felt as if I were there. When reading various histories, I was there. I was in the room; I sat at the table or rode the horse. There is much to learn from history, but only if we become committed students.

Be student, teacher—Experience teaches both—To live is to learn

Trust

When I think of inner circles, I know what makes the good ones work. I also understand why the not-so-good ones fail. All members of an inner circle must trust each other to the extent that they will accept and follow any other as their leader.

The different problems that people and organizations invariably encounter will require someone who can lead the group or organization in resolving a specific situation. It is not always the leader of the leaders who has the necessary experience and ability to take on and fix the problem or issue. Here, the value of the inner circle comes to the fore.

A member of the inner circle who has prior experience dealing with the issue at hand then becomes the leader of leaders. They wear the crown, take power, and lead in resolving the problem. Most importantly, the rest of the inner circle members are in full support. This includes the actual leader of leaders who temporarily becomes a working member of the inner circle.

That is why I write about “trust.” After all, what is any relationship without trust? The lack of trust is why most Inner circles do not function as intended. People are too often jealous and envious of those they work with and even those they live with. This lies at the root of the problems between them. And if power and control are in the mix, it likely plays a large part in making for difficulty in those interactions also. Trust is one of the keys to any successful relationship.

Slowing The Process

As the population grows older, institutions should adapt to better serve the elderly’s needs, which are many and complex. Part of the complexity is due to the aging person being woefully unprepared for the changes.

Depending on the individual, these cognitive and physical changes occur simultaneously or one after the other. Regardless, most of the aging need to prepare for the changes that are happening to them.

There is no question that we can slow the process by taking good care of ourselves. Proper exercise, staying physically and mentally active, along with wise choices of food, drink, and rest all contribute to this.

Still, the self needs plenty of help to age well. And society at large needs to play a larger and more significant part in this. Essential businesses, such as financial institutions, need to make banking and related services as easy as possible. The same goes for shopping for food, clothing, and other necessities.

Making the life of the aging as simple as possible means changes that are well thought out, researched, and tested on the elderly population. The “elder” market is enormous and growing, so it is smart for businesses to do everything in their power to accommodate the aging adult.

Being old a fact—Treated as dumb is so sad—Being old not bad

Understanding Aging

Aging needs to be more fully understood. Simply put, it is not a happy time for those going through it, nor is it an easy time for their loved ones and friends.

The older I get, the more needy and helpless I’ve become. I have written about my macular degeneration—a slow and irreversible condition. My hearing aids work well as long as I am in a small room and only a few people are talking. In a large room with many others, I hear nothing.

As I’ve stated countless times, aging sucks. Yet, there are some bright points. From our experiences dealing with our local “caregivers,” hospitals, and insurance, we are covered like a blanket! Outstanding care is given to us, for which we are grateful. The people and organizations we relate to and need at our age take exceptional care of our needs. They authentically understand us.

On the other hand, the world at large does not appear to fully comprehend what aging entails. Only when they reach a place where they realize they are not who or what they were Yesterday does their mindset begin to change. Many, of course, can hold on to their youthful ways well into their 70s as we did, never thinking we were “old.” But it eventually hit us, and we were shocked at our changes.

Aging, I lose it—What I gain is nothing to like—Me, my opinion

A Poetic Moment

I love words and seek out the “right” one.

The word that fits, that is it, and does not weigh a ton.

By this, I mean the word that says what is right.

Words that fit the thought, the word that fits tight.

I love the challenge of finding a “word” that speaks with strength.

So, there is no question of what I write is meant.

Words are my way to express who I am and what I think.

To my body and mind, it is a significant link.

Always a challenge I sought in the past.

Challenges I thought had the power to last.

All gone, but for wonderful memories of lives lived too fast.

Thoughts On Keeping In Touch

As I have previously written, my hearing and eyesight are worsening, and generally speaking, my ability to care for myself and Lenette is also declining. At this point, she needs more care than I can provide.

Thankfully, our adopted family members have come forward to assist us in making our days work. Grateful is too weak a word to describe our feelings toward them. We are blessed to have the love and care they give us.

I know many have tried to reach us since we’ve moved. My mobile phone number is: (seven-seven-five)-five-five-eight-nine-four-zero-one*. It’s an old flip phone that sometimes rings through and sometimes doesn’t. I intend to get myself a new phone that I can see and that works all the time. In any case, if you wish to reach me, keep trying to get through.

I must add that while convenient, text messages, in my opinion, are not the best way to communicate. Being from the “face-to-face” communication era, I know its value. Eye contact was (and remains) an important component in gauging the general composure of the person we were communicating with.

When speaking face-to-face, we enjoyed a complete picture of who we were communicating with. As a result, we heard, listened, and understood. I have always felt this was the best way to share and discuss things, and in my dealings with others, communicating effectively was the foundation of my philosophy.

I question whether anything like this is possible with texting. Texts must be brief, to the point, and mostly without confirmation, something which I believe is essential to authentic dialogue. While we may feel connected, are we?

*I see no reason to make it easier for bots to scrub the web for random phone#s (Ed).