Leadership Blog

A LIFE WELL LIVED

Lenette and Sy are extraordinary communicators. I say they are because they are still communicating with us. Each had their way of communicating: Lenette was direct, Sy philosophical. Lenette didn’t beat around the bush, and let’s face it, Sy was the bush.  We all know Sy’s love of the written word, and he was quite good at it.  One of his favorite ways of communicating in writing was the Haiku. 3 short lines, 1^{st line} 5 syllables, 2^{nd line} 7 syllables, 3^{rd line} 5 syllables. Seventeen syllables, to say something meaningful, express an important thought or idea. It is not an easy task.  The lines don’t rhyme, so the rhythm is what is called “cutting word.” The intent is for the cadence to be jarring and abrupt. The purpose is to force the reader to think and reason out the meaning.  It is perhaps the most difficult form of poetry. So, it got me to consider, as an homage to Sy: Is it possible to describe the scope and breadth of lives that spanned nine decades and, in the case of Sy, nearly a century in one word, and more than that, could it be done with a one syllable word? 

Regarding most of us, I think the answer is NO. This is not because describing a person’s life in a one-syllable word is simple, but because describing anything in one word, let alone a one-syllable word, is very difficult and complex.  But when it comes to Lenette and Sy, it can be done. And that word is DO. Think about it! We are all here at this memorial because of DO. Those of you who attended Purple Sage, and more importantly, those who spent weeks, summer after summer, at Camp Shasta, in a nutshell, learned DO and were taught DO.  And what better setting to teach something that can only be taught by example than a camp? The same is true for those of you who Sy helped professionally. He came into your business and lives and SHOWED you how to be a better communicator, a better listener, a better human.  And as a team, it was Lenette who SHOWED Sy how to DO. And Sy took to showing DO, like a duck to water. DO is both individual and communal at the same time. DO is about helping and being helped. DO is a choice.

I am sure that Carol, I, our sons Lucas and Colton, and my entire family came into the lives of Lenette and Sy because of DO. I didn’t know it then, and I’m sure Sy didn’t either, but I’m pretty sure Lenette did. 

As it turns out, DO is the answer to everything.

It is the answer to success.

It is the answer to pulling yourself out of failure and despair. 

It is the answer to love, to happiness, to friendship. 

In fact, DO is the secret to LIFE!

And why is DO all of this? Because the opposite of DO is NOTHING. 

If Lenette and Sy could only leave us with one short message, it would be DO. DO every day of your life. DO until you can DO no more, and then find someone to help you DO. And that is precisely what Lenette and Sy did… they showed each of us what DO is…what DO is supposed to look like in the beginning, in the middle, and most notably at the end…they each chose the time when they could no longer DO…and that is the very definition of a life well lived.   

Mark Shaff

Lenette has told me I must live as long as I am productive. So far, I am doing my best.

My 4^th book is being edited and should be in the publishers’ hands soon. I believe that the essays in this book are among the best I have written.

My essays on “The Leaders of Leaders” contain fresh insights into a better understanding of power in the hands of certain people.

Over 27 years, teaching my pragmatic philosophy was always an essential part of my work with staff, a practice that led to working with professionals and entrepreneurs.

Guiding these organizations in ways to improve their staff took me into a new profession. This led me to discover that staff is not the problem. Unthinking and blind power in the hands of the leader is the problem.

What I have learned about power and leadership has taught me that while leadership has built our world, it also has the potential to destroy it.

Leadership, with its power to influence and accomplish, is the prime factor in all relationships. Relationships depend on whether those in power can create a positive environment for healthy give and take. This applies to the family kitchen table and large organizations alike.

Unquestionably, those in power (the Leaders of Leaders) hold tremendous power. They alone build and influence their environments. They are everywhere, from professionals building organizations to leading their families in discussions around the Kitchen Table.

I am the power—Around the Kitchen Table—No one else but me

A relationship—Never easy to have, keep—We need this badly 

I want you and everyone I have ever met to be number 1. That is, to be as much themselves as possible. I am myself. I am me, and I have never met another like me. I have no intention of glorifying myself. I simply mean that I am myself and want others I relate to be themselves.

Throughout my work with children, young adults, professionals, and entrepreneurs, I not only wanted people to be themselves but also did my best to make this happen. Promoting self is vital to me.

To clarify, the desire to be oneself is central to me. I also realize this is difficult if your history is about not being.

The other night, I dreamed that I was at the Kitchen Table, sitting across from my two-year-old son. I was reading the paper and enjoying a cup of coffee, and the child across from me said, “Dada.” I slowly put the paper and coffee cup aside, grabbed the child, and held him close.

I said, “I love you,” and held him even tighter. “What do you want to say?” I asked him.

Instantly, I had another dream segment. I heard the child say, “Dada,” yet continued to read the paper and drink my coffee. I did not ask for more. I heard him but kept my nose in the paper, ignoring him. What message did that send?

All of us are born unique. We are one of a kind. Yes, strong similarities exist, but we are not identical. I believe in the specialness of every individual on this earth and treat each person with whom I meet and live in that special way.

When I hugged my son in my dream, I not only told him that I loved him but was ready to hear more from him.

During my many years as a leader of leaders, I always listened to my employees and friends and never treated anyone with less than respect. I listened, asked questions, and took care of what needed to be cared for. 

As a leader, I was, and am, also a role model and teacher from my behavior and by simply being me. I know I have power that must be exercised wisely. It is what people see me being. If I want people to be themselves, I must acknowledge their efforts. 

A major problem is one’s history. Moving past the childhood environment is challenging to deal with. Even one’s present life at home and with family is not a small thing. 

My approach to people is consistency, respect, and regard. It is imperative that my message and support for a person is to be as much themselves as possible. This could not happen if I treated them as things. 

To me, everyone is a number one. They may see themselves as a 2, 5, or 8 because, without question, that is how they were treated as children. None of this is inherent in blood or DNA. All is conditioning. I know for a fact that in healthy and loving relationships, people can come to be number one. They are born with this potential, which remains with them, even if buried deep by their family. When I worked with individuals, their history made no difference to me. I treated them as number one, and guess what? That’s what they became.

You and me are one—Not me ahead we are one—I will help you be