She is a dear friend, a super caregiver, who is barely reaching middle age and is exceptionally bright. Her family history for the first five years (based on her memory) was positive, but not much good occurred after that. I don’t know why because we have not gone there.
She seeks to know the answer to many questions and is a self-motivated student of many things. A researcher on her own, she wants answers to many issues from health, diet, medicine, history, and government. She studies on her own and is facile with her laptop. So, this is who she is and what she does. But she refuses formal education, although she is smart enough to become a lawyer, Doctor, or professional in almost anything she chooses.
My read is that she is fearful of failure. I believe her background was dysfunctional in many ways, and she carries the scars of childhood deep within her. When we talk about education and school, her excuse for not seeking to become almost anything she chooses is, “I don’t want to be given a bunch of bullshit and be forced to sit silently taking it in.”
She sees a teacher/professor as an all-powerful force and anticipates that she, as a student, will be required to sit silently, taking everything said in. She is adamant about not wanting to be a piece of clay to be formed by someone that refuses the truth. It’s interesting that what she researches she considers as “truth.”
Being me, I confronted her with the thought that her fear of failure is such that she runs and hides behind all the excuses she verbalizes. I asked her if she would challenge me if I were her teacher, and she said that she would because I invite dialogue, give and take.
Maybe our “dialogue” made a difference? We will see. She recently announced that she will take some classes at the local college, and if all goes well, she will consider law school. If this works, look out!
Sy
