June 2023 – Page 3 – Leadership Blog

Our Power Remains Ours

We never give up our power. That is, we do not give up our power volitionally; it always lies deep within us, waiting to be uncovered again later. The trigger may be a random event or the good fortune of being with an influential person who nurtures us to be as much ourselves as possible. Then, “lo and behold,” we become more of ourselves. I believe our true selves are never lost but instead stuffed away, either by force or life events. Then, other life events and the people we meet might be the difference between realizing our self-empowerment or not.

Ideally, the person who nurtures us to be as much of ourselves as possible does this by being authentic. It is not just their talk but their walk and the environment they create. Power and confidence flow out of them because they are simply being themselves. In the process or relationship, they become our “role models” through words, actions, and all-around behavior. They are a “presence” that fosters the environment that gives us our freedom to be and we become.

We become not them but ourselves, unique, one-of-a-kind individuals with ideas and a self to share. The immediate benefits to us and to others are evident. I nurture those important and close to me because I feel good about myself, passing on the opportunity and courage to be oneself to others.

I believe we can win our battle with power that relates us to as pawns by simply being as much of who we really are. Courage is essential if we are not to give in. It is worth the risk one takes to seek out respect and regard from our leaders.

Seeking self my task—Helping you be you, the same—We are not nothing

Two Types of Caregivers

There are two types of caregivers: professional caregivers and those comprised of family and friends who step into the breach.

If you live long enough, you will need to be cared for, dressed, and helped in different ways we do not choose to think about. Today I can dress myself, tie my shoes, shower, and frankly, do everything I used to regarding day-to-day self-care. Still, I see the near future and don’t feel good about it. As life would have it, most of us do not live long enough to require being taken care of. I am blessed with longevity, a sound mind, and the physical ability to remain ambulatory without aids.

Now regarding the title of this essay: The professional caregivers Lenette and I have come across have been kind, sensitive, and knowledgeable. Thus far, we experience them via exams and other medical care when needed. They are not family but treat us with such care that we cannot help being impressed.

The main point of this essay is that while family is there for us as we hope and may expect, they are (likely) not professionals in the care of others, even if family and loved. In other words: They might assume complete care for their aging parents or in-laws, but this is a full-time job, not a “now and then” occurrence that is placed upon their shoulders. And, being still young or middle-aged, they have their own life demands. Do you want them to stop living their life to care for you?

So, do we really want to impose this on our children or the people who love us? If we live to the time when we cannot care for ourselves and still have the mental capacity to make reasonably wise decisions, what will that one be?

I need you to care—But not to deny your needs, too—A problem for us.

What Are Your Thoughts About Aging?

Over this last year, I have thought and written much about what we have been experiencing in the aging process. I’ve written that we never once stopped and thought about getting old during our youth, middle age, and well into senior years. It just did not exist in our doing things and planning. Then, one day, about five years ago, Lenette decided we needed to consider moving to a single-story house. She also began looking at senior living complexes.

What she experienced in her search was not pleasant. Nothing she visited appealed to her. What she felt in most of the complexes were people waiting to die. It was an awakening experience for her since the whole idea of our getting old and needing to prepare for this eventuality was new to us.

In time, she found a complex that was under construction. A perfect location on the old Harrah’s Ranch with a full view of the Sierras and Mt. Rose. A complete facility with apartments, recreation facilities, a restaurant, a bar, and staff to support it all. More important were the words and behavior of the sales staff. They spoke of community and participation. It met Lenette’s requirements, and I felt the same way when I went to meet the people.

Soon, we will have been here for four years. We do live in a caring and supportive community, but it is also an aging one. Having never lived with or related to a population our age, this has been what we used to call just about everything at camp: A “learning experience.” It is not easy being with a population that loses people almost daily. And, if not dying, aging. Which, without question, includes us.

With some experience now, we advise thinking of your situation.

I Would Like Your Help

Please assist me in writing essays. Those who have shared experiences with Lenette and I can help a lot. I remember much, and I am grateful for that. But going on 97 years this coming December, I accept that my memory might be questionable. I invite you to help with clarity or at least what you remember. Also, although still a fair student of power, leadership, communication, relationships, and dialogue, I welcome any and all suggestions as to what to write about.

As far as my essays go, I have remained with what I know from having experienced and studied. I have rarely gone into “conjecture, guessing, or playing” with thoughts not grounded in my reality and history. That does not mean I do not forget. I do, about some things, but generally not when I write about what I taught and the people I worked with. Most of the children, staff, and professionals/entrepreneurs I worked with are all etched in my mind. What I need is help in recalling some details.

Steve Z pointed this out to me. He was on the trip to the Warner Mountains and well-remembers our trip and the water issue, but differently. I loved reading his take on it. Also, Lenette pointed out that she was not on this trip. And so, it goes. So here’s my big ask. I would appreciate any suggestions for essays from any of you. My only request is that the subject be drawn from my history. Beginning with Purple Sage, on to Camp Shasta, Las Vegas, YSU, the Youth Hotel, Lake Tahoe, and the many remarkable adventures with corporations and government.

There is so much to be thankful for, from planning and making things happen to those “serendipitous” events that helped us reach mountain tops, which we most certainly did.

So, join me in my writing adventures. Tell me your story, and if I was in any way involved, it will stir me to write about it. Be my partner.

Please email your suggestions to: Syogulnick at att dot net.

Aging And Acceptance

I think aging issues are well worth discussing, beginning with family and extending to one’s community, the nation, and the world. A significant expenditure of tax funds goes to support the aged, and if not for government support, most of the aging population would be helpless. Otherwise, only the wealthy and those with job-related healthcare benefits would be protected.

As such, I seek to know what young people think and feel about aging. If a person lives long enough, they are going to get there. I wrote that Lenette and I never thought about getting old or the dramatic change in our way of living. We lived as if we did not have an ending. The future was an unknown but not to be feared.

Being part of an old population is an eye-opener. While we knew children, young staff, professionals, entrepreneurs, power, leadership, and communication, we knew nothing about aging. Now we are one of them, living as best we can each day.

Death is around the corner, and we have no idea how far away the corner is. We either accept this journey as an everyday thing, or we are willfully blind to the changes we are experiencing. We see this in those we now live with and assume that they see this in us. Still, many of us do not give in to the inevitable. I do not. I write and create, I lecture, and despite my macular degeneration, I try to read. And Lenette and I look forward to and love the give and take we experience over dinner with our aging friends.

The Role Model

There can only be one role model, and that one is the leader. It is the primary reason leaders are so influential in the scheme of things. I frequently write about this because leaders are responsible for the environments they create. Every group has a leader. Every member of the group makes this so.

Fight or undermine the leader in any way, and you court potential destruction. Leaders have the power to deal with and eliminate problems. If the problem is a person who refuses to follow the leader, they are gone. Two cannot sit on the same throne.

So, either we are that rare individual who is a total loner, only to our own needs, or we are part of a group following the dictates, verbal or otherwise, of the leader. In every instance, the leader is the “role model.” If the leader does not know and accept that they are a role model, it is a serious problem. Too often, leaders do things and behave in ways that say, “I don’t respect you; I have no time for you; I’m not listening; I don’t care what your problems are… Just get it done!” If this, or any other variation of the same theme is your experience, how does it make you feel?

When I worked with leaders, I ensured they understood that I held them responsible for most staff and relationship problems. Their behavior had more to do with their people problems than any other factor. “Communication is the answer to the problem” became my mantra. Most importantly, the firms I worked with became safe enough for staff to accept problem-solving as one of their own issues and not always depend on their leader. Good things happened, and groups and individuals benefited.

I respect, regard—Those I lead know this of me—We, community

More About The Importance of Place

I have written previously about “place” and its importance. As we age, so do our senses. It is all part of the ritual if we live long enough. Place has an important function as a matter of safety. Well-lit stairs, working elevators, etc., are essential to day-to-day living. We become less able to maneuver, see, and hear, which is compounded by old injuries and unexpected aging infirmities.

Many people are emotionally connected to their homes. It is full of history about family and affairs that are never to be forgotten. The thought of leaving a place like this is never easy, but the reasons I write of in the opening paragraph make it inevitable. Aging does not give; it takes from us. And what it takes most many of us are unwilling to let go of.

When you live a full, active, and exciting life and you’re not thinking about aging as we did, the day arrives when it hits home like a punch to the jaw. Suddenly, you are older. A chapter is finished, and another looms ahead, unlike the one you completed. You realize then that you are not who you were or what you did. You are different and not the one who walked into the unknown, ready for whatever came your way.

Lenette and I do not fear this phase, and as before, we face each day as it leads us down an unfamiliar path. We remain unafraid. This is important and says that although we are in our 90s, we are still us, yet not who we were. That’s the way it is, even if not what we want. It is why I write that “Place” now contributes significantly to our being around. What was can be no more. We get this and understand why living with other aging people is the right thing for us to do.

It is an experience we never anticipated, understood, or worried about. And we do not even to this day.

How We Connect

I cannot over-emphasize the importance of community, and I would like to point out the opportunities to socialize that it makes possible. Community brings us together and allows us to be known and know our neighbors. Socialization is at the heart of how people get to know and understand each other better.

This can happen at the dinner table, kitchen table, or in an inviting fireside living room. When we socialize, we connect and form relationships; it ought not to matter that we agree. It matters that we listen and understand each other. That we accept and value each other as our neighbors and perhaps become friends.

To socialize is to place one’s self-front and center with others as they are to you. It is a meeting that brings strangers face to face. Where friendships may be born or where enough is enough. This is important to experience since knowing each other must depend on what we experience of each other; our behavior mixed in with words. It is why socializing is an experience of equals meeting with equals without any power or influence being placed on anyone.

We meet as equals—We get to hear and know each—We are important