The changing of the guard looks so easy and classy when the military does it. The ritual, at least in certain venues, is almost a perfect replacement of one person for another. But that’s tradition, and the aging process has nothing to do with tradition. It is about physical, mental, and emotional changes and nothing, as I see it, to cheer about.
I speak only for myself; others may view their aging process as something they have earned. A just reward for having lived a productive life. And there are others who cry and long for what is no more and, worse, what can never be again. Not enough? There are those that fear, absolutely fear death and nothingness. I fear none of this any more than not fearing the Typhoon and the giant waves on our way to Okinawa. Events dictate not us humans. I’ve always dealt with the events. It’s why I like the word “serendipity.”
Here are a few words for having good communication and even dialogue with an aging person important to you. Be as present with them as possible. Listen, I mean seriously listen, and don’t take their words as if coming from a senile mind. Tell them what you hear being said and think about what you understand. Don’t play and try to make them feel good, but be with them, where they are at, and at all costs, be who you really are and feel. When you are given the time and space to respond, be candid. They will see through any “sugar coating.”
When I visited my father after his stroke, he motioned with his hand cutting across his throat. He was ready to die, and I made sure he saw my eyes when I approved his plea. He died soon after he was given my support. Isn’t that what love means? Honest support for those we love?
Sy