Bringing You Up To Date

Lenette has told me I must live as long as I am productive. So far, I am doing my best.

My 4th book is being edited and should be in the publishers’ hands soon. I believe that the essays in this book are among the best I have written.

My essays on “The Leaders of Leaders” contain fresh insights into a better understanding of power in the hands of certain people.

Over 27 years, teaching my pragmatic philosophy was always an essential part of my work with staff, a practice that led to working with professionals and entrepreneurs.

Guiding these organizations in ways to improve their staff took me into a new profession. This led me to discover that staff is not the problem. Unthinking and blind power in the hands of the leader is the problem.

What I have learned about power and leadership has taught me that while leadership has built our world, it also has the potential to destroy it.

Leadership, with its power to influence and accomplish, is the prime factor in all relationships. Relationships depend on whether those in power can create a positive environment for healthy give and take. This applies to the family kitchen table and large organizations alike.

Unquestionably, those in power (the Leaders of Leaders) hold tremendous power. They alone build and influence their environments. They are everywhere, from professionals building organizations to leading their families in discussions around the Kitchen Table.

I am the power—Around the Kitchen Table—No one else but me

A relationship—Never easy to have, keep—We need this badly 

Number One

I want you and everyone I have ever met to be number 1. That is, to be as much themselves as possible. I am myself. I am me, and I have never met another like me. I have no intention of glorifying myself. I simply mean that I am myself and want others I relate to be themselves.

Throughout my work with children, young adults, professionals, and entrepreneurs, I not only wanted people to be themselves but also did my best to make this happen. Promoting self is vital to me.

To clarify, the desire to be oneself is central to me. I also realize this is difficult if your history is about not being.

The other night, I dreamed that I was at the Kitchen Table, sitting across from my two-year-old son. I was reading the paper and enjoying a cup of coffee, and the child across from me said, “Dada.” I slowly put the paper and coffee cup aside, grabbed the child, and held him close.

I said, “I love you,” and held him even tighter. “What do you want to say?” I asked him.

Instantly, I had another dream segment. I heard the child say, “Dada,” yet continued to read the paper and drink my coffee. I did not ask for more. I heard him but kept my nose in the paper, ignoring him. What message did that send?

All of us are born unique. We are one of a kind. Yes, strong similarities exist, but we are not identical. I believe in the specialness of every individual on this earth and treat each person with whom I meet and live in that special way.

When I hugged my son in my dream, I not only told him that I loved him but was ready to hear more from him.

During my many years as a leader of leaders, I always listened to my employees and friends and never treated anyone with less than respect. I listened, asked questions, and took care of what needed to be cared for. 

As a leader, I was, and am, also a role model and teacher from my behavior and by simply being me. I know I have power that must be exercised wisely. It is what people see me being. If I want people to be themselves, I must acknowledge their efforts. 

A major problem is one’s history. Moving past the childhood environment is challenging to deal with. Even one’s present life at home and with family is not a small thing. 

My approach to people is consistency, respect, and regard. It is imperative that my message and support for a person is to be as much themselves as possible. This could not happen if I treated them as things. 

To me, everyone is a number one. They may see themselves as a 2, 5, or 8 because, without question, that is how they were treated as children. None of this is inherent in blood or DNA. All is conditioning. I know for a fact that in healthy and loving relationships, people can come to be number one. They are born with this potential, which remains with them, even if buried deep by their family. When I worked with individuals, their history made no difference to me. I treated them as number one, and guess what? That’s what they became.

You and me are one—Not me ahead we are one—I will help you be

Creating the Best Environment

Last night, at around 2 am, I woke up and began to think of “relationships and dialogue,” which led me to ponder the difference between the kitchen table and the office. 

Most offices are structurally formal, meaning there is usually a desk for the person who works within the office, chairs for others, and perhaps a couch. There is a hierarchy, implied or expressed, that is built into the very environment.

At the kitchen table in a functioning home, the very shape and structure of that meeting place serve to flatten the pyramid. Ideally, there is no greater democratic and relationship-building environment. I cannot overstate the value of significant relationships and the dialogue that takes place there. Of course, the kitchen table isn’t always a physical environment. It can be anywhere that people feel safe and listened to. 

As I’m sure you know, I consider dialogue and relationships the most essential conditions between people who are important to each other. I became a better person and leader because I was fortunate enough to have fostered a kitchen table environment for my own inner circle. Those relationships played significant roles in my life that continue to this day.

We all need to ensure we have a kitchen table, whether figurative or physical, and we need to make good use of it. All leaders, whether professional or familial, have the power to create environments, often being unconscious of their own influence. That is both the gift and the curse of being powerful. Recognizing the difference between environments that empower and promote authentic relationships versus those that foster submissive and fearful pawns is the hallmark of effective leadership.

The Kitchen Table—Do not take it for granted—It is powerful

Lenette’s Memorial Celebration

Lenette’s passing on October 31 was a major trauma to me. I lost the girl I loved the moment she emerged from the crowd to ask about camp philosophy. I will always feel half-empty now that she is gone. I’m hoping you’ll be able to share her memorial celebration with me.

Although the venue remains to be confirmed, the date is set for the 6th of June in Reno. The event will include people who did not attend camp. However, there will also be a brunch the next morning (7th) only for camp people.

We’re hoping for a big turnout and need to know whether you can attend or not. Please let Merry know if you’ll come alone or with your significant other so we can get an accurate head count. If you can’t attend, please let her know also. We need your response by 

You can reach Merry by e-mail at: merrykogel(AT)me.com, or by phone at: four-o-eight-eight-nine-one-8326.*

*Trying hard not to make it easy for the bots to scrape personal info.

Current Events

I am working on the material that will be in my 4thbook. I’m brushing over all of my written essays to add a Haiku to each.

I love Haiku for obvious reasons. My intention is for them to capture the essence and point of the essay.

I admit to enjoying the process of making this so. When I’m finished, it will find its way to Amazon for printing and public purchase.

At this time, I think the title will be “The Kitchen Table.” I love the picture it paints.

As I’ve always maintained, Democracy exists there in its best form, where all who are seated are invited to freely be themselves. This is where participants acquire the tools that build relationships and where, ideally, genuine dialogue occurs. If not at the kitchen table, where else?

–oo0oo–

It is Wednesday, January 24 about 3:20 pm, and I sit at my computer. 

And my cat MEA sits on the desk watching me, nothing could be cuter.

She is my company, and most of the time, she cuddles with me.

She watches over me as Lenette once did a picture to see.

She knows I need her as company.

And I know this is true for both of us.

Although friendly and warm to visitors, it is me she trusts.

When in bed, she stays close to me.

That’s okay it is where I want her to be. 

She was close to Lenette and listened to her.

Not to me in the same way for sure!

–oo0oo–

I am working on my 4th book and like what I’ve written.

What I am doing is adding Haikus and none are like kittens.

They are, as Haikus should be expressed, lean.

They are naked as can be, and none are mean.

The sun is the sun, and the moon is the moon.

They express in so few notes the most basic tune.

I love its basic form and the lean use of words.

5-7-5 syllables are all that is written and heard.

DANIEL

He is “Danny” to me and the kids he grew up with. Yet, he is “Daniel” in the world he lives in now. After Camp Shasta, he earned his Ph.D. in Anthropology at the University of California, Berkeley. Considering his work and achievements, he deserves the accolades others have given him. 

The program he started for girls in Nigeria, Africa, is now run by women from the region. The director is a “leader of leaders” and is developing and training leaders from within the population. These Nigerian women are expanding the program and are creating even more opportunities for young girls. To date, they have reached tens of thousands of girls, teaching them reading, writing, and mathematics. It has helped many avoid early pregnancy and enabled countless others to build small businesses. 

While the Nigerian women keep the process moving and growing, Daniel remains their mentor. Incidentally, he attributes much of what he has done to the things he learned at Purple Sage and Camp Shasta.  I couldn’t be prouder.

Now, technology offers me an opportunity to join Daniel in mentoring the Nigerian team. Daniel and I are going to do remote workshops with the inner circle of women who have already achieved so much. Everything about the program is extraordinary.

CNN recently featured the program in a photo essay on their website. Check it out. 

https://www.cnn.com/interactive/2023/11/world/climate-gender-inequality-cnnphotos-as-equals-intl-cmd/

oo0oo—

Nigeria, where something special is taking place.

Young girls are being helped to find their space.

To find, to know they can live a better life.

To hear from their teachers that they have choices better than strife.

To choose a better life, a future for their own sake.

They discover there is much more to life and decisions to make.

A freedom to be themselves and not another young mother.

They learn that they need not be smothered.

To chose for themselves what they want to be. To choose for themselves to be free.

—oo0oo—

I wrote of Nigeria in my last.

A story to tell all and one not past.

It continues its growth to reach as many as it can.

Money as gifts is a necessity within the plan.

We must be grateful to those who give.

For what they give many young girls live.

How good that this takes place.

An act of charity, an act of grace.

That there are people who do this and are one of this kind.

It is the overall love of people. This on their mind.

The world is better because of them, that by their giving they mend.

I Write Because I Must

I am writing because I must. It is what I do.

When I worked with children, that was what I did.

When I worked with professionals and entrepreneurs, I discovered power and its abuse as the major problem at work and at home.

In my study of power, I met leadership as its seat.

Only in the last few years did I understand the leader of leaders concept and that those within an Inner circle are not leaders without the leader of leaders.

It took years for me to realize and understand that the leader of leaders is destined to assume that role because they are driven to build organizations and communities.

Most people choose to become leaders of themselves, as leaders of leaders are rare because others are essential to them, and Society exists because of them.

–oo0oo–

I write because I feel I must.

That my writing contributes to my not turning to dust.

And there are times that I search for what to say.

The problem is wanting my writing to be me each day.

To make nothing up, to keep what I write my story and real.

I write what I know; I write what I feel.

Serendipity, I love the word and what it means.

And not a moment of my life is made of dreams.

Experiences galore I have had, and most have taught.

Not one, I would hope. Has gone for naught.