Month: December 2020

If you are a leader you possess influence over those you lead and this influence must be acknowledged and understood by you from the moment you choose to become a leader.  Here I must emphasize this as a “first principle” that if you lead you are responsible for those you lead and must accept what this means to those you lead and yourself.

My experience tells me that most people choose to become part of a group. That is, they accept that someone else lead them. Their reasons are many, but generally most do not want the responsibility being in charge means. This may be financial or the demands being responsible for others entail. So accepting and even giving power to others is a choice made for many reason. In general I would argue that most people accept a follower’s role because it’s the easier choice. 

 Life, on the other hand, plays games with us and pulls–pushes and accidentally places a few of us in responsible positions.  We become leaders not because we have chosen, but others choose us or our choices in life make it necessary. Also, not to forget, the few that MUST lead because they love and need power and influence over others. Power is truly their aphrodisiac. 

A huge variety of examples abound: What is a parent sitting at the “Kitchen table” with their children, a teacher in the classroom, a boss at work, the minister leading church services and our influential friends? They are all leaders. Some have chosen, others deny any desire on their part, but are placed in the position. 

Hierarchies play a big role in the selection process because all hierarchies need participants that are ready and willing to carry the message of the hierarchy. So it’s not a person that leads, but the organization’s philosophy. And not to forget the dangerous and destructive leaders that simply love power and seek needy and helpless people in order to use as willing pawns?  

In one way or another Leadership is a human absolute. Whether for good or bad is the leader’s choice.  Sy

So, at first I believed the main point behind my workshops was the information I shared with the participants. In time I began to realize that what I had to say was not as important as the way the audience felt towards me. Much of this had to do with what the leader that employed me said to their staff in preparation of my first visit. Beyond initial introduction and exposure, and this mostly from the leader, what made the important difference was the staff’s personal perception of me and this took time and was uniquely individual. Not understanding this at the beginning of my consultant work meant that I depended most on the material I presented. It did not take long for me to realize that people needed to feel safe and that they felt their comments were welcome.

I sought this, but also recognized that participation would take time. It was also apparent there was always a few that would risk being open and direct with their questions or observations. These few had no problem expressing their opinions and often how they felt about issues I may have brought up. Dealing with feelings is important and I invited the sharing of what they felt. The expression of “this is what I heard or read” is far less important than getting one to express what they felt because it is feelings that influence behavior. Also, agreement with what I said was not a condition of our dialogue. I made this apparent and obvious whenever possible.  

Being authentic and authoritative whenever I would refer to any of my resources was important, but so is listening to and my respect for what staff had to say whether through personal experience or what they heard or read. I did my best to not judge what people said whether in agreement or not. Participation is what I sought.   

As I write above it was usually only a few participants that openly shared their thoughts and feelings without my pushing and pulling words from them. It took time, but these few always seemed to have enough influence to bring others into the conversation. Also, I did not question why most people remain silent for as long as they do. As I have commented in past papers this reluctance to express ones self begins around the “kitchen table” and remain a possible problem even into adulthood. In any case, and certainly with the help of those that spoke out freely, the non-communicators would begin to drop their guard and join in. I learned that being open, sharing thoughts and feelings is difficult for many, but that speaking out is a “freeing experience.” Everyone has something to say, something to contribute and in the right environment, given the support, will overcome their past and scar tissue and will speak out.

As individuals moved towards openness, courage to be self and taking on greater responsibilities the major credit must go to the leader and the leader’s willingness to grow from traditional hierarchy and top down communication to one that empowers others. Leaders began to understand the weight of their power on the behavior of their staff and instead of using and abusing others they began to listen, understand, welcome candor and actually enjoy dialogue with their staff for (perhaps) the first time.

Bluntly, what was monologue between a boss and an employee became dialogue between equals. The experience became fulfilling to the point that being at work meant being with family. What was “my problem” became “our” problem and so much easier to deal with   Sy

As family I belong—-I am heard and mostly understood——I am me, you, you.  

Even up against the child’s home and early indoctrination and education via parents, early grade teachers are given an awesome amount of power to influence a child’s attitude and behavior. This may be positive or negative and why it is essential that teachers understand and accept that they are also leaders and role models to their students. Neither of which are surface roles, but who they are at their core. 

It’s one thing to teach a subject like reading and math, but a completely different thing to lead and to be the exemplar Leader and Role Model. A teacher leaves the books and blackboard, but no true leader and role Model leaves being this any more than they leave their skin. No scripted role, no costume, but this throughout their being. 

As I have written time and time again quality leaders lead by being Present, they hear what is being said, they do their best to understand what is being said and seek clarity when necessary. They confirm the speaker. The speaker knows they are heard and understood. The leader is candid in their response to the speaker and do not pretend agreement. Leaders want dialogue between equals and do not seek false agreement. Quality leaders want understanding and set aside their power and influence in order to empower others and why dialogue, not monologue happens. An openness and receptivity is felt by all. 

If growth and empowerment is what the leader wants of her people they are genuine is their efforts to provide this. On the other hand, Leaders that value power over others are unable to hide their true intentions and domination rules their behavior. 

No one is fooled. Playing to the will of those that love and abuse power is a game everyone loses including the leader who lulls themselves into believing they win.  No one wins in the game of “power.”  Sy

I want you to “be.”———Not me, but to be just you———We are now double.