Category: On Aging

As I have previously written, my hearing and eyesight are worsening, and generally speaking, my ability to care for myself and Lenette is also declining. At this point, she needs more care than I can provide.

Thankfully, our adopted family members have come forward to assist us in making our days work. Grateful is too weak a word to describe our feelings toward them. We are blessed to have the love and care they give us.

I know many have tried to reach us since we’ve moved. My mobile phone number is: (seven-seven-five)-five-five-eight-nine-four-zero-one*. It’s an old flip phone that sometimes rings through and sometimes doesn’t. I intend to get myself a new phone that I can see and that works all the time.  In any case, if you wish to reach me, keep trying to get through.

I must add that while convenient, text messages, in my opinion, are not the best way to communicate. Being from the “face-to-face” communication era, I know its value. Eye contact was (and remains) an important component in gauging the general composure of the person we were communicating with. 

When speaking face-to-face, we enjoyed a complete picture of who we were communicating with. As a result, we heard, listened, and understood. I have always felt this was the best way to share and discuss things, and in my dealings with others, communicating effectively was the foundation of my philosophy.

I question whether anything like this is possible with texting. Texts must be brief, to the point, and mostly without confirmation, something which I believe is essential to authentic dialogue. While we may feel connected, are we? 

Sy

*I see no reason to make it easier for bots to scrub the web for random phone#s (Ed).  

The weekly home visits arranged by our primary caregiver make us feel special, but we know we are just an example of what must occur throughout the system we are lucky to be a part of. 

When we are examined and treated, it is evident that the nurse practitioners are knowledgeable about what they do and do it well. We have never felt we are merely a number on a list as part of their schedule. 

My primary care comes from the Veterans Administration, and I could not be more pleased. From something as impersonal as a phone call to speaking with almost anyone, I am immediately cared for. My country has served me well, from education to medication, and I am grateful and appreciative of it all. 

At least, as far as I have experienced, our systems work well. Yes, there are problems aplenty, particularly in small, underserved communities and large cities where the population overwhelms the available services. That is not the case here. We arrived in the Reno area in 1972 and have remained. It has been good to us.

Many serve our needs—We are blessed and lucky, too—Hope, need to give back

Sy

Long life is not something a human can plan on. It happens to the few and is not a matter of blood or inheritance. The average life in the U.S. is about 73 for men and 79 for women. Why am I entering my 97^th year and Lenette her 91^st? It is a reasonable question to ask.

Physical and mental use cannot be the answer. We were always active, but nothing unusual or unique. As I’ve stated previously, we never thought about “old,” so old was never a subject with us.

It is also important to note that we never associated with people our age. Our friends were always much younger and active. This is also true of the professionals and entrepreneurs we worked with nationwide. On average, they were at least ten years younger but rich in life experiences.

What may have helped keep me young was pushing myself as a student of power and leadership. This drove me to understand and devise ways for this to be taught. 

Lenette played a vital role at the beginning of my research. She typed my notes until she taught me to type. So, we both learned and used the material in our relationship.  Our ability to communicate with each other soared.

Clearly, my seeking to understand relationships made a massive difference in my own life. I never wondered what kind of leader I was; I just led. As a leadership teacher, I learned of its complexity; nothing asks more of a human than when they are leaders.

Sy   

Most people care for themselves and others throughout most of their lives. It is what we do as parents, teachers, and leaders. If we live long enough, we go from being caregivers to needing care. Still, we need some important education to do either of them well.

Being at an age that requires care is not a pleasant place to be. Going from independence or relative independence to dependence is not something to be sought or asked for.

Being a caregiver demands certain knowledge and behavior. It’s one thing to react to the moment and a completely different thing to be a caregiver as one’s job.  Family members are rarely trained caregivers, and when they must be, how long does this last? How long can it last? 

The cost is considerable when professional caregivers are involved, and if funds for this purpose are limited, the strain on the family is significant and may be impossible. So what can be done?

The aged are either helpless or becoming helpless and are entirely aware of what is happening within their family. What do they feel? How do family members feel?

The whole family must face the issue of elder care at the kitchen table. This is never easy to deal with—the feelings of love and obligation to aging family members are not without complications. Care must be given in every case but from whom, for how long, and in what ways?

It is worth restating that professional care may be beyond the finances of many families who have not planned for this eventuality. And inevitably, as the aging family member continues to live, costs will continue to rise. 

All at the kitchen table must discuss these issues and more before the time of need. Putting a plan in place and having a frank evaluation of what may lie ahead is necessary to prepare all involved. Here, as always, genuine dialogue is of the utmost importance.

Speaking for ourselves, we are grateful beyond words for the care that our friends give us. We are forever emotionally in debt to all who are there for us.

Sy & Lenette

I mention no names because they know who they are. But they are each very special to us, full of caring and acting as our “watchdogs.”

The one who has taken complete charge is a “leader of leaders.” He has had his successful building firm for over 40 years. He knows and understands responsibility, and does not fear success or failure but takes on what needs to be done. He is a rarity, as are all “leaders of leaders,” and fits the definition entirely.  

We met a few years back at the Health Club we both went to regularly. He came, worked out, and left, saying few words and having no relationships I saw. He impressed me with his focus and consistency. 

I decided to break into his space. I need to know people like this. In many ways, I am like this person. I do what must be done, not what is easy to do.

We became fast and close friends, and I became a part of his remarkable family. How close, how caring, how loving they are for each other. And they welcomed us with warmth.

Time did its thing, and as we aged and became less able, he, remarkably, began to take a stronger position with us as if we were one of his own family. He took charge of us, and we agreed on what needed to be done.

We checked out the 24/7 care facilities in Reno and found the right one for us. He arranged for his people to make the initial move into our new place. Professional movers moved the rest, although there was much we gave away.

It was a challenging time for us because we could only be observers and not participants. We lived out of boxes for a few days until four camp people moved in and went through every box. Pictures were hung, boxes emptied, and miracles of miracles it all came together.  We were unable to do it ourselves, yet with the help of those people, we are at home here and totally comfortable. 

They volunteered their time and effort to take on what might have been an impossible situation and made it into a “love-in.”

Simple “thanks” will never be enough for what they did and continue to do. To write that we are lucky and blessed to be loved by them seems so shallow. Still, it comes straight from our hearts that we love them all.

Sy & Lenette

I’m still searching for a title for my forthcoming book. Although primarily about aging, the book also has essays on the subjects I care about and have studied and discussed for years.

Aging: The Truth Be Told, is a title suggestion from one of my dear friends and kids going back to 1947. He has more thoughts on the book and its title. If you stay current with my blog, you know what the book will include. Although we do not know how Steve Z will edit it, I give him total freedom.

I mentioned the little village of Mürren in Switzerland because of our love for the mountains, anywhere and everywhere. This tiny village gave us so much in just a few days, such as the alpine meadows where we sat in a meadow and watched a farmer sound his giant alpine horn to connect with another unseen horn far away. The sound filled the valley and meadows, a beautiful way to communicate. 

The following day, we hiked down a trail to the valley below. Past farmers and their families working their fields in clothes that likely haven’t changed for a thousand years. Pink pigs and large white and brown cows wandered free, nibbling on the grass. 

We acknowledged everyone and the animals, and they did the same with us. It was a hike into the past that perhaps might never change. We could see the love for what they were doing and their way of life on their faces. How does one not envy this sense of belonging to where they live and what they do?

As I remember, we hiked a good 25 miles. Every step brought a smile, and the feeling of “all is well in the world.” We did not feel envy, only joy.      Sy

As I approach my 97^th birthday, I live face-to-face with aging issues, so I write about my reality and what I experience in these moments. 

I have come to maintain that our good memories are where the aging spend their time. Lenette and I do this when we are with our wonderful visitors. We talk about what we each remember, and those memories bring laughter and occasionally a few tears.

Reminiscing about what happened so many years ago is amazingly easy because most of our memories were full of “learning experiences.” We grew from those, becoming more able as a contributor rather than a taker. So often, the entire point was about contributing.

 So, our good memories, when shared with those who were there with us, really count as we age. They are like those special pictures we hang on our walls. Yet, they are so much more than that. They bring smiles, tears, and stories to tell.

Where we lack photographs, our memories do the job. Mürren, Switzerland, is an example of our special memories. Lenette and I were told of Mürren by a dear friend. We came upon it in the dark on a rainy night after a Cog-rail ride up a steep mountain.

Cold and wet, we searched for anything that might offer us a bed and food. It was pitch black outside, and we headed for the only light on the small village street. It was an Inn where we spent the night. The following day, we were treated to an amazing surprise when the sun came up.

We pulled aside the drapes and looked out our window straight down 5,000 feet to a valley below us and the Swiss Alps right before us. Had we found heaven? No, it was Mürren. We have no photos, only our precious memories.
Sy