The Face-To-Face Connection

It is one thing and an important thing when we speak to each other over the phone and, to a lesser extent, when we email each other. But face-to-face is always the best and means the most to us. Looking into another’s eyes is the best and most welcome experience of all.

When friends and acquaintances are with us, and dialogue happens, we are all participants, not just listeners and passive but involved with what is being said. There is a connection between us that is special. It takes place when we are physically, emotionally, and intellectually together. A reminder that together does not mean or intend agreement. How beautiful are these moments?

When we created the Youth Hotel at the world-renowned International Hotel in Las Vegas, its very foundation was built on dialogue, face-to-face connection, and the assurance that no child is alone but connected to a staff member until the child disconnects to join into activities they choose or are invited to join. 

The face-to-face and emotional connection makes being together such a unique experience. Technology will not and cannot replace this, although there is every effort to do so.

Being physically and emotionally together also brings being in the present into play. The present is what is real. The past exists as a memory, while the future is yet unknown. When with friends, the present is our stage, where hopefully, we are not acting but are real.

Share with me some time—You be you and I be me—Is there more to be?

Sy

Team Building

Building a team is one of the most challenging tasks any leader will face and hope to achieve. As I see it, a team forms itself and, therefore, needs history. In other words, the team is the experience each member has as individuals over a long period. None are identical; all are different, which is what separates one team from another.

I created environments for children and staff to play, learn, work, and live together. The pragmatic working philosophy gave college students responsibility for building strong and caring relationships between themselves, eight kids of similar age and sex, and an assistant teenage junior counselor. They lived together in tight quarters that they could completely rebuild to suit their own needs and often did just that. 

The whole point was that each group was its own camp. That was how our counselors were trained.  The idea was to bring responsibility to its most personal level for themselves and those they lived with.  

This group living experiment led to other successful programs that became known worldwide. It also led to adult organizations of every kind.

When studied, the best teams are not individuals lost in the mix of a group who look and act as one, but individuals being entirely themselves. It’s never an easy thing to accomplish.

I join with my group—They join with me together—We are one, yet more

The Challenge Of Care

Most people care for themselves and others throughout most of their lives. It is what we do as parents, teachers, and leaders. If we live long enough, we go from being caregivers to needing care. Still, we need some important education to do either of them well.

Being at an age that requires care is not a pleasant place to be. Going from independence or relative independence to dependence is not something to be sought or asked for.

Being a caregiver demands certain knowledge and behavior. It’s one thing to react to the moment and a completely different thing to be a caregiver as one’s job.  Family members are rarely trained caregivers, and when they must be, how long does this last? How long can it last? 

The cost is considerable when professional caregivers are involved, and if funds for this purpose are limited, the strain on the family is significant and may be impossible. So what can be done?

The aged are either helpless or becoming helpless and are entirely aware of what is happening within their family. What do they feel? How do family members feel?

The whole family must face the issue of elder care at the kitchen table. This is never easy to deal with—the feelings of love and obligation to aging family members are not without complications. Care must be given in every case but from whom, for how long, and in what ways?

It is worth restating that professional care may be beyond the finances of many families who have not planned for this eventuality. And inevitably, as the aging family member continues to live, costs will continue to rise. 

All at the kitchen table must discuss these issues and more before the time of need. Putting a plan in place and having a frank evaluation of what may lie ahead is necessary to prepare all involved. Here, as always, genuine dialogue is of the utmost importance.

Speaking for ourselves, we are grateful beyond words for the care that our friends give us. We are forever emotionally in debt to all who are there for us.

Sy & Lenette

Memories Of Our First Home

We have many great memories, all worth remembering. So, instead of writing about aging and its arduous challenges, I’ll go light and reminisce.

I want to share some of the love and adventure we experienced in our first home. Soon after our marriage, Lenette found a 900 sq. ft., two-bedroom GI house in Northridge, California. At the time, we carried three mortgages on a house worth $12,000.

Shortly after we moved in, we got our cat, Cleo, and two dogs. Many readers will recall Brutus, a Beagle-Hound dog, and Heidi, a huge German Shepherd. As I’ve often recounted, they loved each other, and we became family.

It wasn’t long afterward that Lenette remade our backyard, landscaping it into two levels and adding a rock-faced waterfall and trees for shade. We loved it, and so did the animals. 

Here, we held our first-ever Christmas Party for our entire family. It was such a memorable success it became part of our family’s history.

Yet, there was far more that happened here. Jeff’s story is known by most; he came to live with us as a troubled 11-year-old, and he also found his first home here. We all became a close and loving family in every sense and shared the confines of the 900-square-foot space very well.

After Jeff graduated high school, he went off on his own. Eventually, he joined the Army and served in the 101st Airborne in Vietnam. He and Georgia have been happily married for over 45 years.

That small home gave birth to some amazing memories!

Sy

Some Very Special People

I mention no names because they know who they are. But they are each very special to us, full of caring and acting as our “watchdogs.”

The one who has taken complete charge is a “leader of leaders.” He has had his successful building firm for over 40 years. He knows and understands responsibility, and does not fear success or failure but takes on what needs to be done. He is a rarity, as are all “leaders of leaders,” and fits the definition entirely.  

We met a few years back at the Health Club we both went to regularly. He came, worked out, and left, saying few words and having no relationships I saw. He impressed me with his focus and consistency. 

I decided to break into his space. I need to know people like this. In many ways, I am like this person. I do what must be done, not what is easy to do.

We became fast and close friends, and I became a part of his remarkable family. How close, how caring, how loving they are for each other. And they welcomed us with warmth.

Time did its thing, and as we aged and became less able, he, remarkably, began to take a stronger position with us as if we were one of his own family. He took charge of us, and we agreed on what needed to be done.

We checked out the 24/7 care facilities in Reno and found the right one for us. He arranged for his people to make the initial move into our new place. Professional movers moved the rest, although there was much we gave away.

It was a challenging time for us because we could only be observers and not participants. We lived out of boxes for a few days until four camp people moved in and went through every box. Pictures were hung, boxes emptied, and miracles of miracles it all came together.  We were unable to do it ourselves, yet with the help of those people, we are at home here and totally comfortable. 

They volunteered their time and effort to take on what might have been an impossible situation and made it into a “love-in.”

Simple “thanks” will never be enough for what they did and continue to do. To write that we are lucky and blessed to be loved by them seems so shallow. Still, it comes straight from our hearts that we love them all.

Sy & Lenette

More Memories Of Mürren

I’m still searching for a title for my forthcoming book. Although primarily about aging, the book also has essays on the subjects I care about and have studied and discussed for years.

Aging: The Truth Be Told, is a title suggestion from one of my dear friends and kids going back to 1947. He has more thoughts on the book and its title. If you stay current with my blog, you know what the book will include. Although we do not know how Steve Z will edit it, I give him total freedom.

I mentioned the little village of Mürren in Switzerland because of our love for the mountains, anywhere and everywhere. This tiny village gave us so much in just a few days, such as the alpine meadows where we sat in a meadow and watched a farmer sound his giant alpine horn to connect with another unseen horn far away. The sound filled the valley and meadows, a beautiful way to communicate. 

The following day, we hiked down a trail to the valley below. Past farmers and their families working their fields in clothes that likely haven’t changed for a thousand years. Pink pigs and large white and brown cows wandered free, nibbling on the grass. 

We acknowledged everyone and the animals, and they did the same with us. It was a hike into the past that perhaps might never change. We could see the love for what they were doing and their way of life on their faces. How does one not envy this sense of belonging to where they live and what they do?

As I remember, we hiked a good 25 miles. Every step brought a smile, and the feeling of “all is well in the world.” We did not feel envy, only joy.      Sy

Memories

As I approach my 97th birthday, I live face-to-face with aging issues, so I write about my reality and what I experience in these moments. 

I have come to maintain that our good memories are where the aging spend their time. Lenette and I do this when we are with our wonderful visitors. We talk about what we each remember, and those memories bring laughter and occasionally a few tears.

Reminiscing about what happened so many years ago is amazingly easy because most of our memories were full of “learning experiences.” We grew from those, becoming more able as a contributor rather than a taker. So often, the entire point was about contributing.

 So, our good memories, when shared with those who were there with us, really count as we age. They are like those special pictures we hang on our walls. Yet, they are so much more than that. They bring smiles, tears, and stories to tell.

Where we lack photographs, our memories do the job. Mürren, Switzerland, is an example of our special memories. Lenette and I were told of Mürren by a dear friend. We came upon it in the dark on a rainy night after a Cog-rail ride up a steep mountain.

Cold and wet, we searched for anything that might offer us a bed and food. It was pitch black outside, and we headed for the only light on the small village street. It was an Inn where we spent the night. The following day, we were treated to an amazing surprise when the sun came up.

We pulled aside the drapes and looked out our window straight down 5,000 feet to a valley below us and the Swiss Alps right before us. Had we found heaven? No, it was Mürren. We have no photos, only our precious memories.
Sy

Aging As An Experience

Aging for most people in their mid-80s and early 90s brings daily challenges not expected or anticipated. Rarely is it a gentile sailing into the sunset or a pleasant afternoon of sitting on a comfortable swing on the back porch contemplating one’s past. 

Aging into these later years brings changes we cannot know until they occur.  They are different and specific for each individual. Overall, they comprise experiences we have never faced before, and much written about this process mainly reflects the viewer’s viewpoint and not that of the aging person. 

I suppose I am one of the unique ones who do write and hopefully continue to write about my “aging experience” from the perspective of one who is there. 

The life changes are substantial. Food becomes unimportant but necessary. Sleep is an escape, although it occurs in brief periods because I frequently wake to use the bathroom. I feel constantly chilled, so I wear a vest and seek the sun’s warmth whenever possible. 

I used to be strong and agile, but while I can still walk on my own, I am weak and cautious with each step. The little push-wheeler and seat most here walk gingerly behind is not yet me.

I have shared that my sight and hearing are deteriorating along with the rest of me—all a natural part of aging. Still, I consider myself better off than most who reside here with us since I am also one of the oldest. I feel fortunate that my mind is still hanging in there. Why? This is not for me to answer, but I’m grateful and determined to keep using it to document what I’m sure will be my final journey. I think I say it as it is and, as I am. The teacher in me refuses to give up. It is what and who I have been and still am.

Sy

Facing Depression

Throughout my life, I have been subject to many feelings. I’ll never forget my awe watching the huge waves of the typhoon batter the ship I was on. I wasn’t afraid at any time during the storm and was so overcome by the enormity of nature’s fury that I was prepared to witness my own drowning. I remember no fear, only awe. 

No street fight I had ever fought brought fear, even when a blade was held against my neck. Instead, I felt only excitement. My focus was to do battle and damage, and when aroused, that was what I did.

While I experienced many emotions, I do not remember being frozen in fear or worse. Yet, the black cloud that enveloped me the other day was intent on overwhelming and encasing me. 

During that moment, I faced the cloud and spat in its face. “Not me, not now, and not ever,” and it disappeared. I know what I faced, and I dealt with it. I have always risen to the occasion; whether I lose or win is never the issue. I have never, and will never, run from anyone or anything.

Life is taking place, and Lenette and I are mere pawns in the game. But we are still responsible for choosing how we handle what comes at us. 

We face the aging process daily, and we are less able and more in need of help. Amazingly (at least to us), people are there for us. They become our eyes and ears and give such care and love that we are often emotionally overwhelmed.   One cannot expect this, and yet what we are given is provided with such love. Why? Dare we ask?

Sy

Another Day

Each day brings another challenge or “takeaway.” Like many my age, my hearing and eyesight continually worsen with no chance of ever improving. The overall experience is one of loss, and a sense of depression begins to make itself known.

Giving in has never been my style, so more tests and better glasses are in the immediate future. I am also looking into using dictation with the computer instead of typing. I have always been the “speaker,” so this technology should work fine for me. 

In any case, despair is not a characteristic of mine, even in the worst of times. Fighting for a cause, for what I feel is justified, is who I am and have been my entire life. Nothing is going to change me, including my “aging issues.” The battle is joined, and you will be a witness.

And so it goes until the day comes that I will not be. In any event, I was a pretty good storyteller in my early years. It might be enjoyable for me to go back to more of my old ways. Time will tell, and you will be the best judge.

It is said that the older we get, the more childlike we become.  Early demise avoids this; aging guarantees this. Since I did not choose this long age process, I am going with it, like it or not.

You have my full support to make any comment(s) you wish to make.

Sy